5 Ways To Overcome Self-Doubt

You may or may not know that I’m an only child.  Growing up, I didn’t have any siblings who’d play with me, or chat with me, or show me what was cool and what wasn’t cool.  Since my parents only had me, and no other children, they filled that void with animals.  LOTS of animals.  So many cats and dogs, and even a parrot with the worst potty mouth.  I had animals to keep me company, and maybe thats why I’m a little weird.  Or a lot weird.  Definitely a lot nerdy. It was a long and rocky road of trial and error to find my groove.

What am I actually talking about?  I still don’t feel like I’ve found my groove.  I feel like my jr. high and high school years were probably pretty typical.  There I was, a clueless kid, trying to figure out how to fit in and not stick out too much.  Don’t we all go through that?  Trying to fit in with the cool kids?  Constantly comparing ourselves to others to make sure we are on par with the standard definition of whats ‘cool’?

I remember in jr. high I wanted to fit in so bad, I went out and got a perm, thinking this would definitely be the ‘secret sauce’ to completing the ‘cool’ recipe.  That year, the kids nicknamed me Michael Bolton.  Sigh.

When I graduated from high school, I thought all that comparing bullish was done, but sheesh, I was totally wrong.

How Comparing Myself to Others Stole My Joy

As an adult, I’ve found myself constantly STILL comparing myself and every aspect of my life to other people.  My car, my house, my clothes, and yes, my photography and business.  Do I have the same gear as everyone else?  Is my editing style whats cool?  Am I getting the same amount of likes on instagram as everyone else?  Constant questions would creep into my mind, filling my heart with doubt.

I’m weird too.  Sometimes when I see an incredible photo that someone else shot, most of the comments on the photo talk about how inspiring it is to behold (and rightfully so).  But sometimes seeing such amazing work totally discourages me because I compare myself and what I’ve produced to someone else’s art and I feel totally inadequate.  Have you ever felt that way?  Do you ever let doubt creep in and steal your thunder and your joy?

When Doubt Can Help

Somehow, its easier for us to believe that we’re totally inadequate rather than to believe that we are absolutely kick-ass at what we do.  I don’t know if its because we feel like we need to keep our egos in check, or if we’re just used to thinking crappy things about ourselves, but it almost feels more natural to doubt ourselves instead of having confidence in ourselves.
Martin Luther said it best, waaaaay back in 1532, “Because we are better equipped to doubt than to hope…”

We’re critical thinkers, and doubt helps us to think critically about the world.  Thats healthy.  Its when we allow doubt to take over that it becomes a thunder-stealer.

Galileo had a theory that doubt was actually really good for a person.  He called self-doubt the “father of all invention” arguing that self-doubt had the potential to foster more creativity.  And some people may very well be wired that way.  They are encouraged by discouragement because it causes them
to want to work doubly hard to overcome whatever obstacle they encounter.  I’m definitely not one of those people. The way I’m wired, I’m discouraged by discouragement.  So what do I do, what can we do, to change that?

5 Ways To Conquer Self-Doubt

Obviously, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others.  Thats a no-brainer.  Comparing yourself to others will always steal your joy.  100% of the time.  You are unique for a reason.  You have your own voice, and it is completely worthy to be offered to the world.  But how do we overcome the self-doubt?

Learn To Trust Yourself

This is a tough one.  How do we even go about learning to trust ourselves, especially if we haven’t for a long time.

First, we need to surround ourself with people who don’t cause us to doubt ourselves.  Naysayers or those who like to play “devil’s advocate” are not conducive to a healthy self-trust.

Next, we need to be kind to ourselves.  Against our nature, we need to focus on what is good, and not our shortcomings.  For every shortcoming we think we have, there is also something great.  Take time, write down your good attributes, then revisit the list often.  I’ve heard it time and again: pretend to be what you want to be, eventually you will become it.  Tell yourself something long enough, and you’ll believe it.  Those of us around you already know all the good stuff about you, now its your turn to focus on those good things.

Stop Asking For Validation

Oh my gosh am I guilty of this.  So so guilty.  I constantly want people’s thoughts on photos or projects or designs I’m working on.  Even in this very moment I’ve been tempted to show this article to someone while writing it to get their thoughts.  I’m resisting.

When we ask for validation from others, we’re weakening our ability to trust ourselves.  Not only that, but if we ask for validation from others, they may offer advice on what we need to change, thereby diluting whatever the original vision was that we had, and we may end up loosing our voice within our own project or art piece or article.  Trust yourself.

Keep Your Goals Private

Something else I’m totally guilty of is sharing my goals with others…often.  I get excited, I feel passionate, and I want to share.  I’m seriously an open book, and I have a hard time keeping my insecurities, passions, and likes to myself.  Anything in moderation is good right?  Well, I definitely do not share in moderation.  I share ALL MY FEELINGS AND GOALS AND INTENTIONS ALL THE TIME.  “But Danette, why is this necessarily a bad thing?  People like honest and open people.”

Well, so glad you asked.  I used to be a Psychology major.  Didn’t finish, but loved the subject.  Psychologists have discovered that when we share our goals with others, our brains actually mistake the sharing for doing.  The gratification that we should be getting from actually achieving the goal is replaced with the gratification of the affirmation we receive when we’ve shared the goal with someone else.  Psychologists have actually proven that once we share a goal, we’re way less likely to pursue it.  Crazy right?  We get discouraged because we didn’t do what we wanted to do, and we totally open
a new door for doubt to settle in.  So share in moderation, and if you absolutely feel like you need to get it out in the open, write it down in a journal.  Share later.  Achieve it first.

Revisit Past Goals

Now, since you’re writing down all of your goals so you don’t share them with others and inadvertently make yourself not want to achieve them anymore, you’ll have a list of past goals to refer to later.  Revisit this list often.  Revisit the goals that you’ve already achieved and surpassed.  If you’re feeling stuck, or like you’re not growing, look at the goals you’ve already achieved and it may shock you.  You’ll see that you’re so much further along than you used to be.

If you haven’t been writing your goals down (hint hint: start now), look back at your past work.  I guarantee you’ve grown.  Remind yourself that you are growing and learning and improving.  One of the best ways to do that is to look back at what your work used to be – and see that its changed.

Keep Doubt In-Check

Probably the hardest goal to achieve on this list, keeping your thoughts in check.  Keeping your doubt under control.  Immediately stop the thought that doubt creates when it begins to creep into your mind.  You actually do have the power to control your thoughts.  Its just really tough to do.  When we think a certain way for so long, our brains start to form neural pathways that are really hard to change once they’re created.  There is a reason why that person that is super negative all the time is super negative.  They’ve trained their brain to think that way.  “The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why we can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do.” Steven Pressfield said this, and its absolutely true.

Begin by immediately stopping a thought as it enters your mind.  Say to yourself, “No. This isn’t true.” then CHOOSE to discard it.  It is hard, not gonna lie, but its possible.  You can do it (and so can I).

Theres a famous quote, “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” (Suzy Kassem)  We limit ourselves and our chance to succeed before we’ve even tried.  We owe it to ourselves to take doubt captive.  We are artists for a reason.  We have a voice for a reason.  Don’t let doubt steal it.  Love yourself enough to silence self-doubt.  Know you’re good enough.

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”

― Vincent Van Gogh

 

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